by Sheila Dianne Jackson
Ok. Let’s get real. Do you think Melania really understood what she was getting into? Did she know The D was a p – – – y—grabbing, misogynist? Whatever the circumstances of their coming together, she is evidently over it. The most recent hand-swatting incident shows that no amount of money, power, even the prestige of the highest office in the land is enough for her to feign a gesture of intimacy as simple as holding hands.
Misogynist come in all races, religions and political parties. So ladies beware. Here are a few tips that are sure give-aways, you’re romancing a misogynist:
1. The old bait and switch act. He showers you with attention. He praises your mind, your body, your independence and strength……You think he totally ‘gets’ you. Then suddenly, all the things that he said he loved about you are problematic, liabilities. At times, you may even sense a disarming undercurrent of jealousy. (See EveTalks FB page for strong, black woman monologue,’ delivered by Mama Pope, on Scandal).
2. Everything is on his terms. With the misogynist, you serve a purpose, a use. When you operate outside of that boundary, he shuts you down. What does the “shut down’ look like? He may ignore you. He may be dismissive, or marginalize your input. On the extreme end, he may become verbally abusive or aggressive. The bottom line is, you have just been put into a box. Sister, go toward the light and get out!
3. He’s lazy. He only puts just enough energy out to control you, so that his needs are met. Nothing more. He has no interest in getting to know you – in ways that matter to you. Because he’s already decided who you are based on his negative, warped fantasies of women. So don’t expect him to be thoughtful. He’s not capable.
4. Mother Issues. He doesn’t necessarily – consciously – hate his mother. But once you get to know the real history, it will reveal an unhealthy pattern of ‘over’ or ‘under’ attachment, along with unresolved childhood -ish.
5. Drama King. By this I mean he creates the drama. Misogynists commit to things they know they are not going to do, to set up a self-fulfilling prophecy – one in which you are cast as the nagging, hysterical witch, with him as the calm, unapologetic – and sometimes absent – man. Yes ladies. This includes those tired “disappearing acts.’ They’re a total set-up.
A misogynist can be tough to sniff out, at first. Ultimately, he can’t help but reveal his true nature in his discussions about women. Misogynists see women as objects to be manipulated and managed. Case and point, the room full of men who believe they get to make decisions about what a woman does with her body and how she manages her reproductive health.
When Eve gave birth, man had his first experience with feelings of inadequacy. Since, he has sought to harness, replicate, usurp and undermine her power. A misogynist lives in denial of all this. Much like racism, misogyny is a response that has been modeled, nurtured, and passed on as culture – like ketchup on fries.
The take-away here: Don’t expect love from a man who hates women. The best way to repel a misogynist is to love your Self more, and walk away. Maybe even jog a bit.
This is a public service announcement.